The Zeppe Report, Issue 1

By Dread Zeppe

Counterfeit Corpse Scandal

For the past few days, the Minmatar Secret Service has been working with leading Waffles Anthropologist Wood Vulcan, tracking down alleged "counterfeit Jintaan corpses," which so far has proven to be one of the most bold and sophisticated attempts by the radical #Team10 insurgents to reclaim the anime status of Waffles discord.

This high-tech intergalactic ring was finally busted and indicted to the Republic Fleet Security Service this week, thanks to the cunning and experience of some top notch consultants brought on to the case after conflict of interest rumors began to surround Wood Vulcan, who we were unable to reach for comment and assume is a dirty weeb sympathizer.

The lucky break in the case came back on Wednesday April 26th 2017, when Alex Eversmith happen to walk by the room where the suspect corpses were being held and noticed they were just random corpses with a piece of paper taped to the faces that read “Weeb-King”.

Indeed, the Security Services raided the station of the capsuleer who tried to pass the bodies off as true Jintaan originals. From there, they set up instapointers, bumpers and booshers on the undock in an attempt to intercept the suspects vessel when he was inevitably forced to flee the waifu quarantine. The Security Services then watched as a Victorieux Luxury Yacht took to the void, utilizing an off grid insta-warp bookmark to evade the blockade. According to intel in local, agents scanning ships at the scene were able to record the cargo manifest of the ship, which consisted of slaves, corpses and waifu pillows.

Kinakka Chronicles will continue to bring you updates on this story as it develops; but for now details on the identity and whereabouts of any suspects is unknown.

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